Hi All -
Sorry its been awhile! I haven't been feeling quite myself lately. & by that I mean -- I'm a big ball of anxious, mess. You see, there's this boy I love (you know him as bf) & we've been having a pretty rough time lately. Don't get me wrong, all the things we have been dealing with are real life issues & things that affect our lives. The thing is - I dont want to fight with him. I love him & I miss him. I would really probably do almost anything to have this one work out in the end. I know all relationships need some time to think things through, but deep down I know that I wanna have him by my side in the good & bad & middle ground going forward. Its killing me not having that.
A friend noticed I was feeling down & told me that during marriage counseling she learned the many different stages of couples & marriages. She said the stages could be experienced before marriage or after, but are very distinct. (I thought this was going to be a I love God lecture, but it totally was not). She said that each couple goes through an "incredibly in love/cant live without/amazing" stage - most of us probably know as lust. Next, apparently we hit a stage where, while we are still pretty much in love, we begin to nit-pick at the either. Picking apart every little thing that the other does & internally wondering if this is some "bigger issue". Normally then you progress to the third phase, which is a big discussion/fight/event where you have to decide if this is IT or if its time to split ways. She said at this time many couples get divorced. They experience tough issues & rough times & things they believe they will never overcome. However, there are couple that reach the other side of this phase, take the plunge, & work it through & in the end have love once again. Not the infatuation love, but the real life love of CHOOSING to be with one another even when times are good or bad & knowing that you will always, always be there.
I thought that was so interesting because although I've always known, "everyone goes through tough times" it put so much more in perspective to me. Every relationship reaches a crossroads (whether its before marriage or after) where they have to CHOOSE to stick together & CHOOSE a life together. Its so true.
To be honest, its easier being alone. It really is. You dont have to entertain or impress or make anyone else happy. I quite enjoyed all my years alone. But do I want to be alone forever? No. Do I think the fights suck & hurt my feelings & are the most annoying things ever? Yes. Does that mean I wouldnt endure it for companionship throughout my life? Absolutely not.
No matter how much I think I understand, each situation teaches me more & more about life & love & everything in between.
Cross your fingers, toes, & hearts this one gets all sorted out for me. I know I am........
XOXO,
KG
Awww girl I'm totally thinking about you right now. This sort of stuff just straight up sucks! I think you are looking at it all with the right perspective though. If I've learned anything at all in the past 8 months it is that real love is a commitment of choice. You choose to put someone else's needs before yours, you choose to negotiate, you choose to love, and you choose to fight for love. No relationship is a walk in the park. I've got all toes and fingers crossed for you two and if you're home over Memorial Day I promise to get a "Pain Killer" in your hand. :)
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