Sunshine State

I had to put that picture there becuase it was really my only one which showed the beauuuuutiful weather/scenery that I spent a few days basking in last week.   My friend, KB, had been planning to visit a friend for a few days & had a *free* (my fave) ticket for a certain someone (ME) to join.  How lucky, right? 

In the midst of everyting happening with bf & the state of my life at that point, I went back & forth on whether or not I should go & miss him Orrrrrrr stay here & miss him.  In the end, my spontaneity won out & I hit the planes to Jacksonville.

Beaches are good at making you feel like the sun is the only thing in the world.

These "gatorade" contraptions were pretty good at that too.

It was good to spend time with some of my oldest friends.  The friends who you've known since you were 15 years old.  Those who knew you before anything important or adult happened in your life.  Its a nice kind of calm being exactly who you are with no judgement. 

We ate some fab Mexican food.......

Had a few Coronas

& the biggest burrito of anyone's life EVER.  I'd put money on that.

We did other boring girly things, like go shopping (& I didn't buy anything, am I feeling ok?), got pedicures, watched movies & played with the (kind of) evil puppy who chewed up everything in sight!

This is Winston wearing KB's swimsuit that he, not so kindly, chewed up while we were gone.

After that Mexican food, this was the extent of showing off my "beach bod"

We went to an event called "Dancing in the Streets" which I can most accurately describe as a Street Dance & a Carnival's baby. Lots of fun =)
Anyway--
The best thing about the trip, was the time that it gave me the time to reflect on my life at home & the things that I want & need in my life. Bf & I still have some issues to work out, but the fact that we both WANT to work through them reassures me about why I want to come home to him every single day.  Another person is always going to frustrate you & make you mad, but if you choose to be with them & choose to love them everyday you create a strength & bond that every relationship needs.  I hope we continue on this path & I can keep this little man in my life for alot longer...

XOXO,

KG

Eeeeeeeeeeeekkkkkkks

Hi All -
Sorry its been awhile! I haven't been feeling quite myself lately.  & by that I mean -- I'm a big ball of anxious, mess.  You see, there's this boy I love (you know him as bf) & we've been having a pretty rough time lately.  Don't get me wrong, all the things we have been dealing with are real life issues & things that affect our lives.  The thing is - I dont want to fight with him.  I love him & I miss him.  I would really probably do almost anything to have this one work out in the end.  I know all relationships need some time to think things through, but deep down I know that I wanna have him by my side in the good & bad & middle ground going forward.  Its killing me not having that.

A friend noticed I was feeling down & told me that during marriage counseling she learned the many different stages of couples & marriages.  She said the stages could be experienced before marriage or after, but are very distinct. (I thought this was going to be a I love God lecture, but it totally was not).  She said that each couple goes through an "incredibly in love/cant live without/amazing" stage - most of us probably know as lust.  Next, apparently we hit a stage where, while we are still pretty much in love, we begin to nit-pick at the either.  Picking apart every little thing that the other does & internally wondering if this is some "bigger issue".  Normally then you progress to the third phase, which is a big discussion/fight/event where you have to decide if this is IT or if its time to split ways.  She said at this time many couples get divorced.  They experience tough issues & rough times & things they believe they will never overcome.  However, there are couple that reach the other side of this phase, take the plunge, & work it through & in the end have love once again.  Not the infatuation love, but the real life love of CHOOSING to be with one another even when times are good or bad & knowing that you will always, always be there. 

I thought that was so interesting because although I've always known, "everyone goes through tough times" it put so much more in perspective to me.  Every relationship reaches a crossroads (whether its before marriage or after) where they have to CHOOSE to stick together & CHOOSE a life together.  Its so true.

To be honest, its easier being alone.  It really is.  You dont have to entertain or impress or make anyone else happy.  I quite enjoyed all my years alone.  But do I want to be alone forever?  No.  Do I think the fights suck & hurt my feelings & are the most annoying things ever?  Yes.  Does that mean I wouldnt endure it for companionship throughout my life?  Absolutely not. 

No matter how much I think I understand, each situation teaches me more & more about life & love & everything in between.

Cross your fingers, toes, & hearts this one gets all sorted out for me.  I know I am........

XOXO,

KG